Male Pregnancy OneShots
by Burning In The Dark
Summary: This is a collection of one shots focusing around Final Fantasy 7 Characters and how ridiculous Male Pregnancy is, this was written for COMEDY. It explores all the ways males could have children, but never will. FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY! No Flamers.


**Title**: Male Pregnancy Drabbles  
><strong>Status<strong>: 1/?

**Type**: Drabble  
><strong>Author<strong>: The Silent Black Violin/XMiss-NoirX (DeviantArt)  
><strong>Rating<strong>: M  
><strong>Pairing<strong>: Many.

**Setting**: AU Before CC  
><strong>Genre<strong>: Friendship/Humour/Romance  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: Swearing, Male Pregnancy, General Creepiness, Slight/Moderate OOC.  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: I Do NOT own Final Fantasy VII.  
><strong>Summary<strong>: A bunch of Male Pregnancy stories to figure out how males can have kids... and live! Please this is written for comedy purposes only... do NOT take it seriously. I am profusely sorry you're subjected to my musings and these many drabbles. Forgive the mistakes, I haven't written in a while.

**AN**; This chapter is for my-dark-desires**. I DO NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY IF YOU READ THIS EVEN THOUGH I EXPLICITYLY WARNED YOU OF WHAT'S IN THIS.**

A hearty laugh - the kind that sends a steam of tears from your eyes is extremely good for the heart.

Sephiroth sighed; he did not want the duty of checking the chocobo corrals, the smelt heavily of chocobo. He wanted to hit himself on the head for the attempted excuse he used to get out off checking the corrals. _"I am allergic to chocobo's sir... and the corrals smell heavily of chocobo..." What kind of idiot says that? Me... Obviously. _Sephiroth was lost so entangled in his thoughts he missed a pair of beady eyes following him.

He sighed; the place reeked of those stupid yellow birds and their droppings. _I swear to Gaia if I get any chocobo shit on my boot I am going to shove it in Lazards mouth._ Checking each of the chocobo's while making sure to dodge any chocobo droppings. _I am getting paid a ridiculous amount to check on stupid yellow birds... for the rest of the week... As long as none of them run away then I have to go searching for them... stupid yellow birds._

Sephiroth decided he really hated Chocobo's after he managed to step in a big, squishy dropping. Nothing looked out of the ordinary for the time being, so he left to go back to his office to finish the report on the birds. As Sephiroth left he swore he felt a pair of eyes following him, looking back he only saw the birds looking at him; raising a silver eyebrow he then glared at them then left and locked the corral.

The next day, the chocobo's had to be moved from the corral to the outside holding area. Sephiroth growled he just had a check up with Dr. Hojo who gave him too many needles and way too many jabs in the stomach; now he had to move the birds.

"Come on you stupid birds" Sephiroth ordered loudly, hitting the whip against his boot. "Why Lazard? Why did you put me in charge of these stupidly large birds for the weak... the best SOLDIER General in years... looking after birds... YOU'RE SO BRILLIANT!" Sephiroth screamed, startling the last bird to go into the outside holding pens, watching it run the other way he mentally sighed and hit his head with his palm.

Looking at the bird running to the distance he wanted to just ignore the damned bird, Shin-Ra wouldn't mind, now that was wishful thinking; they would kill him... or at least give him a worse duty then chocobo carer for a week. Before trudging after the bird he locked the gate to the holding pen and took his jacket off and hung it on one of the wooden beams of the pen.

Spotting the giant yellow buzzard, he slowly and cautiously approached it. It raised its head to look at him, deepest black to emerald green, he felt the hairs on the back of his head spike up. _I am not afraid of a 1000 kilogram bird! _He thought cockily, until the bird charged at him, quickly dodging, he missed getting hit by the bird; however his beloved leather pants didn't get spared.

_My pants just got shredded around the arse by a bird... brilliant. _Sephiroth thought as he watched the bird slowly approach him, for some odd reason the birds testes seemed to be engorged, this was worrisome... mainly because Sephiroth didn't think he resembled a chocobo in any way. He knew that birds didn't have penis' but he did know that chocobo's could "shoot" their sperm into the female bird, thanks to when he was a cadet and one of his teachers showed him the video.

Sephiroth took a step back every time the bird moved forward a step. _So... they gave me the chocobo keeper position during chocobo mating season... fuckers. _Sephiroth thought and then decided it would be a better idea just to run, as usual not the best idea. The chocobo caught up and pinned him down with one of its feet. _What in the world... _Sephiroth thought as the chocobo flopped Sephiroth on to his back.

He felt the chocobo lower its body down, and then everything went black.

-xXx-

Sephiroth awoke to the familiar faces of his two oldest friends, a broad brunette and a dainty red head that were looking at him with worried eyes. He felt awful, and not just because he was in the labs, he felt like he had been bashed with a steal rod then sat on. Groaning he went to ask what he was doing here but Genesis raised a gloved hand and stopped him.

"Now is not the time to talk my friend" Genesis cooed gently, patting Sephiroth on the hand.

Raising a silver eyebrow he looked to Angeal who just shook his head, huffing in annoyance that neither of his friends were willing to explain to him why he was in the hospital and felt like shit. He couldn't fathom why they were hiding stuff, but if they were going to stay here and not leave him alone in the lab with the doctor... he would be fine.

Sephiroth watched as Angeal offered him a plastic cup filled with water, with a little straw in it; he smiled and felt sluggish when he tried to grab it. Angeal smiled at him and held the straw to Sephiroth's lips.

"Hojo said you would be here overnight then you can go home... we decided we'd better stay with you. After last time you were left down here overnight it was destroyed..." Angeal chuckled, the light reaching his deep chocolate brown eyes.

He looked to Genesis who was also smiling; it made him happy that his friends were happy, after all those two had been in a relationship for over three years. Sephiroth mumbled quietly 'thanks' and they all chatted through the night until they slowly dozed off. Sephiroth was the first to wake; he looked over to his friends and saw Genesis resting his head on Angeal's shoulder; Sephiroth felt himself grin from ear to ear. _I'm happy for them... _He was cut off from his thoughts as the doctor he hated most entered.

"Doctor Hojo" Sephiroth greeted monotonously.

"How're you feeling today?"Hojo asked politely.

Sephiroth glared and watched as Hojo stepped closer, studying him. "I am fine... now can I leave?" Sephiroth asked with more urgency then he liked.

"Not yet... I just have to give you two needles and then you're free to go" Hojo stated, then fixed his glasses.

Sephiroth watched as Hojo left the room and then returned with two small syringes, luckily Angeal had woken up and switched seats with Genesis, which he somehow failed to notice before. Sephiroth held his hand out to Angeal, Angeal took it and squeezed, Sephiroth knew that Angeal knew how much he hated needles.

Sephiroth squeezed Angeal's hand tightly as Hojo picked up the needle containing a blue substance, flicked it a few times and moved closer to Sephiroth. He felt Hojo's clammy hands grip his arm and stuck the needle in, he felt woozy as the substance entered him, he hated feeling the stuff enter his blood stream.

Hojo pulled the needle out of his arm and replaced it with one that had glowing green stuff in it, which Sephiroth assumed would be mako. He looked to his friends, Angeal was smiling and Genesis was rousing from sleep, he watched as the rambunctious red head was slowly looking at his surroundings, blinking as what he assumed the harsh fluorescents burned his corneas.

Smiling at Genesis even though he knew the red head's vision would be blurred he still got a smile back. _The best thing about having them here is I don't really feel when the needle goes in... Also I don't see his sadistic smirk. _

-xXx-

Hours later Sephiroth was happy to be escorted back to his apartment by his two best friends, who immediately put him in bed and stripped him of all his clothes but some blue boxers. He looked to Genesis who was smiling; _As long as he doesn't start reading my loveless I may live through this... _

"Now if you be a good boy Seph and get bed rest and take care of yourself I will come over and give you some apples and read you loveless all day... doesn't that sound wonderful?" The bubbly red head asked, not even bothering to hear what Sephiroth's response was going to be.

Many weeks passed, Sephiroth experienced a few tummy aches, nausea, gaining some more weight and constant headaches; but he thought nothing of it until he went to the bathroom. When he finished his business in there, suddenly he started to get really bad stomach cramps, he moaned in pain as it felt like something was pushing against his asshole. Falling to his knees he managed to make it to the toilet to throw up.

After his stomach settled down a bit he still felt the pain against his backside, coming to the only conclusion was lie down on the bed with a cold washer on his face and push. After about an hour of pushing he felt a strange smooth slick item between his legs, moving the cold washer he saw an egg. _What the... that EGG JUST CAME OUT OF MY BODY! _Sephiroth mentally freaked out and scrambled to find his PHS and put his quilt over the egg to keep it warm.

Dialling Genesis's number urgently he waited for it to ring before he picked up.

"Hello...?"

"Genesis, you know how I said I was feeling sick lately... I think I may have being pregnant..."

"Very funny Sephiroth"

"NO I AM SERIOUS... DON'T HANG UP ON ME... Hello? GENESIS? HELLO?" Sephiroth insistently said into his PHS.

Groaning he dialled Angeal's number. The conversation went well and Angeal was currently on his way to Sephiroth's apartment, Sephiroth however was freaking out. _An egg just came out of my body... how the hell? Why the hell? Ack! _He was doing dramatic gestures while arguing himself in his head. Hearing the soft click of his apartment door he turned around to see Angeal's calm face.

Inhaling a deep breath, Sephiroth looked at Angeal. _I want to hit him for being so calm... what in the world am I thinking? I am never this violent..._ Just then something clicked in Sephiroth's mind; he was never this aggressive until nine weeks ago, when Hojo gave him those needles with the weird coloured concoctions in them.

"Hojo" Sephiroth growled. He turned to Angeal about to explain that he needed to go see Doctor Hojo immediately and cut his balls off, then ask him what the frig he did to him. Angeal however, wasn't there; he was looking at the egg which was huddled in one of Sephiroth's sweaters; observing the egg and feeling the somewhat slimy surface.

"Well... this is too big to be a normal egg... what was that about Hojo?" Angeal asked calmly.

"Hojo..." Sephiroth spat. "Remember those needles with the strange coloured scrims? I think they're what cause that" He finished pointing to the egg with a scrunched up look on his face. _That bastard... he is so dead._

"Well that would make sense... one second" Angeal murmured.

Sephiroth watched as Angeal took a picture of the egg. "What are you going to do with that picture dearest 'Geal?" Sephiroth sweetly said; he knew the murderous glint would be in his eyes when Angeal turned around. Watching Angeal turn around and jumped a little at the look in Sephiroth's eyes.

"Whoa... Seph... its okay... I am only sending it to Genesis... he didn't believe you... I was at his place when you called" Angeal added the last bit hurriedly.

Sephiroth put his hand out for the PHS and Angeal obliged and put the mobile device in his hand. Looking down at the picture and the contact that was meant to receive it, he found all was in order which he really should've believe Angeal... after all the man was full of honour and pride. He clicked the send button and watched as it sent to Genesis, the handed Angeal back the PHS.

A few seconds later an annoying ringtone came from the phone.

"Hello... oh Hello Genesis"

"Yes... Sephiroth really did have that egg..."

"How else do you explain an egg that big?"

"No I didn't get a chocobo egg or mutate one... I am Angeal Hewley!"

"He believes it was Doctor Hojo... Yes Genesis, we will meet you at the lab soon."

Sephiroth watched as Angeal closed the PHS and Sephiroth was left with wondering about the one-sided conversation he heard. Angeal picked up the egg and cradled it like a child, and looked to Sephiroth who just growled.

Twenty minutes later Genesis met a disgruntled Sephiroth. Angeal however was quite happy carrying Sephiroth's egg in at least three sweaters, claiming 'You have to keep it warm!' Sephiroth's retort was very sarcastic when he said 'wouldn't that be such a shame'. Sephiroth rubbed his temples in an attempt to feel a little relieved, unfortunately it did nothing.

"So the great General laid an egg..." Genesis grinned.

Deciding that did not dignify a response and looked to the labs, pale white walls and people in coats everywhere; not the place he wanted to be on his weekend. He looked back to Genesis and Angeal who were looking very parental with an egg; which was odd imagery, especially for Genesis. _I hope Hojo fucks with him and he has a child... then we'll see if he's so parental. _Sephiroth laughed out loud at the imagery his mind created of Genesis, heavily pregnant yelling at Angeal to get him some out of season fruit.

-xXx-

Genesis looked at Sephiroth with a quizzical expression; he was starting to believe one of his closest and dearest friends was losing his mind. _That evil glint in his eyes scares me..._ "We might as well get the visit to the labs over with... I want to get in and out of there without anyone poking me with some needle."

Angeal gave a hearty laugh and followed a stroppy Sephiroth and a jubilant Genesis. Watching Sephiroth walk with meaning and anger up to a scrawny man in a pristine white lab coat with his black pony tail hanging over the coat, Genesis grinned when Sephiroth tapped the man on the shoulder lightly and he turned around with a frightened expression on his face.

Sephiroth's smug smirk made the smaller man pale a little made Genesis want to laugh a little, after all there were not many people that could frighten Hojo.

"Please explain to me why that came out of body!" Sephiroth dramatically pointed to Angeal, who was holding the egg.

"Sephiroth, Angeal did not come out of your body... I know this for a fact." Hojo calmly stated.

Genesis had to have a little laugh at that, Wow_... Hojo made a joke... unless he was being serious... and if that's so, how the hell did he become a scientist? _Quietly musing to himself her only tuned into the last part of what Sephiroth was saying.

"... No, the egg! Not Angeal." Sephiroth snapped.

"I merely wanted to see what would happen if I mixed a human with Chocobo hormones, what the side effects would be and such nonsense" The doctor calmly replied.

"WHY WOULD YOU DO IT TO ME?" Sephiroth shrieked.

Genesis had to stifle a laugh; he never would've thought Sephiroth's voice could get that high.

"It was an accident I assure you; I just accidently grabbed the wrong needle. I was going to use it on a willing specimen" Hojo smirked.

"You bastard!"

"Give me the egg... I need to run some tests on it" Hojo motioned to Angeal to give him the egg.

Genesis azure eyes followed Angeal as he reluctantly handed the egg over to Hojo; he watched the worried looks cross Angeal's face before he turned his attention to the doctor. Hojo got out his stethoscope and put the cold circular end to the outside of the egg moving it around here and there and jotting down notes on a clipboard.

Looking to his friend and the "Mother" of the egg, he was surprised to see the smallest hint of worry on his face. Genesis smiled inwardly, he knew Sephiroth was protective but this was just kind of adorable.

-xXx-

Sephiroth thought if he stared any harder at Hojo, the doctor would violently combust. _I cannot believe I am this protective of an egg... _Sephiroth actually could believe it, but he just felt like arguing with his mind. Watching the doctor with his piercing emerald green eyes, he felt them turn to slits as he watched Hojo pick up the egg and weigh and scribble something down on the clipboard again before wrapping the egg up in two sweaters and giving it gently back to Angeal.

"It seems you have a living specimen in there, and it's almost ready to hatch so I would suggest you keep it extra warm until then, maybe sleep with it or put it under ten layers of clothing. The only reason this specimen has survived is because of the bird's way of breeding, it gives the creature something to eat while it forms." Hojo said while fixing his glasses.

"Okay... excellent we can leave now" Sephiroth announced, motioning for Genesis and Angeal to follow as he walked out the door.

"Oh Mr. Rhapsodos... you have a check up next week, if you want I have some free time now if you would like to get it over and done with" Hojo called out.

Sephiroth turned around just in time to see Genesis push past him and run as fast as his legs could carry him out of the lab and towards the elevator. Sephiroth calmly walked out of the lab with Angeal beside him, silently laughing at the rambunctious redhead who was yelling at them to get a move on so they could leave this awful place.

Once in the elevator they all breathed a sigh of relief, especially Genesis; who seemed all to thrilled to be away from the labs and Hojo. Sephiroth smirked at his friends, Genesis was grinning like the Cheshire cat and Angeal who had his always calm expression going. Laughing slightly at first at the scenario that just happened he couldn't help it, after a few minutes his friends joined in.

Sephiroth stopped laughing when tears stopped rolling down his cheeks. "Ah... you know I never thought we'd be in that kind of situation... even in my dreams!" Sephiroth explained with a little laugh here and there.

"Neither would I..." Angeal admitted in his deep voice.

They continued the conversation until they got to Sephiroth's apartment; the sun was setting creating a lovely pink and orange hue from the window of the high-rise. Sephiroth looked to the sunset and saw from the corners of his eyes that his friends were looking the same way. Sephiroth watched as Angeal put the egg in his bed, covered in three sweaters and finally his quilts.

He sat around and had a nice dinner with his friends and bid them goodnight before they left, and he was left alone in the spacious apartment and had nothing to do. Sighing he got up and made his way to the bathroom, as he looked in the mirror he suppressed the urge to sigh harder, it looked like he hadn't slept in days.

Sephiroth inhaled then exhaled and turned on the shower, stripping off his clothes he stepped in to the hot water, hissing a little as the water burned his skin. Relaxing as he turned the cold water slightly on. Feeling the water wash away all his problems, after he washed himself and his hair he left the warm confides of his shower and dried off.

Putting on his underwear then donning his sleeping pants he crawled into bed and put an arm under his pillow to support his head and for comfort and hugged his quilt. He awoke many hours later to a familiar red blur near his face.

"Hey there sleepy head..." Genesis said softly.

Once Sephiroth blinked away the sleep in his eyes and got his vision back he saw Angeal and Genesis smiling down at him. He smiled back and felt his arm go around a not so familiar surface, he looked down to see he was cuddling the egg. Sitting upright he looked to Angeal who was still smiling at him, a true smile.

"Ugh... how long was I asleep for?" Sephiroth asked a hint of sleep still audible in his voice.

"It's only ten in the morning, so not too long." Angeal stated.

Before Sephiroth could tell them how much he hated sleeping past nine in the morning he heard a little crack and saw the egg roll around a little more. He watched as Angeal went and got some hot towels and some other essentials. Once the egg was fully hatched Sephiroth saw his son, he had silver hair and green eyes like him; however the only part that wasn't human was his tail.

Angeal picked up the silent child and wiped him of the excess goo, he stepped back and watched as Genesis put the child in the appropriate clothing then wrapped him in a blanket and handed him to Sephiroth.

"Do you know what you're going to call him?"

"I was thinking Kadaj" Sephiroth said lovingly, looking at the little bundle in his arms.

"You know Hojo is going to want to see that, he might be able to get rid of the tail" Genesis quietly stated.

"Genesis, this is not a day for that... this is a day of happiness!" Angeal proudly said, grinning at Sephiroth from ear to ear.

-xXx-

Sephiroth awoke from the dream covered in a cold sweat, his PHS was ringing loudly, looking to the window he saw it was morning.

"Hello?" Sephiroth groggily asked.

"Sephiroth! You're late! It's your turn to check the Chocobo corrals today..." Lazard informed him.

Sephiroth dropped the phone and pulled the covers over his head shouting "I am NOT GOING NEAR ANY CHOCOBO'S! THEY'RE GOING TO GET ME PREGNANT".

"Sephiroth... okay it seems you have a hangover... you get off it today... but next week you won't be so lucky!" Lazard said.

He heard the sound of the phone hanging up, he closed his PHS and put his head back on the pillow, feeling his eyes grow heavy.

A/N: Hey :) hope you enjoyed that! Now this is all for **LAUGHS** **don't forget that**... I had an alternate ending and if you want to know it review or PM me (: I don't bite! If you have any questions feel free to ask! I actually had to look up how birds mated... interesting stuff XD Now I will be posting more of this funny drabbles/one-shots about Male Pregnancy and how it can and cannot work with a example from my FAVOURITE fandom!

So it's 10 pages and 4000+ words long... and it is 12:55am and I am so freaking tired! I have figured out a course I want to do next year so YAY! But that means I have until February to at least write one chapter of the fanfics I have planned! Wish me luck! I will fix this up later... I am way to tired at the moment!

Bye (: I appreciate reviews! 


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